this ishh going tuu be a long post..
actually, ii am pwetty upset that he has tuu leave for a soul searching...
tudae was in sch 6 floor and was looking all th way down tuu th first floor...
ii was thinking...
what if th railings gave waes ritwes now...
ii would probably fall all th way tuu th ground...
thinking abt that...
suprisingly,
doesn't scare mie anymore..
ii just stood there till ii leaned all th way forward and almost fell....
almost died just there....
but it rly doesn't scare mie one bit...
instead ii just sat at th back of th classroom and thought abt dying...
ii know ii should'nt have these thoughts flowing and flowing through my mind...
it would drive me nuts tuu think like this continuosly...
anywaes...
ii cant be bothered...
without hym ii am nth...
will uu come back tuu mie ng kaiwen(:
pls?....
this fridae....
or sat...
ii am going crazy without uu....
and ii m nt trying tuu touch a knife...
ii swear....
baby pls come back tuu mie...
pls pls pls...
everdae without uu a torture...
ii thought ii can busy maiixself with work...
but ii cant...
baby ii am going mad with uu...
so pls come back tuu mie...
ii sound so pathetic don't ii
ii sound lyke an idiot....
maiix self-esteem ishh at an all-tyme low..
someone pls save mie before ii kill maiixself...
ii rly can't do this anymore...
ii am doing thing tuu try tuu hurt maiixself again...
even if ii promise uu...
ii m trying maiix best tuu not hurt maiixself...
ii promised...
but ii can't promise ii will ever be happy without uu...
uu know, uu are th best thing that ever happen tuu mie...
ii don't feel lyk laughing and smiling ever again without uu...
because ii love uu...
ii let uu go....
but ii m never going tuu smile or laugh again...
never truly be happy...
ii smile and put on an act tuu reassure maiix fwens but ii dun want tuu do this anymore...
ii m rly tired of trying....
ii don't feel lyk holding on anymore....
ii rather fall from th 6 floor corridors all th wae tuu th first floor.....
ii dun wan tuu hold on tuu th railings when ii try th next tyme...
ii just want tuu hold uu tight......
but ii know ii can't
ii m sorry kaiwen...


thanks sister for being there tuu try tuu cher me up...
but its not working...
thanks for trying...



ii m going tuu try tuu hold on tuu see hym again...

SEVEN-teen more days till ii see hym on th 8 may...
ii am dying.....