ii am so tired
ii called him today and he sounds so tired...
ii am a very horrible girlfwen aren't ii kaiwen?
ii hate seeing uu lyk this...
ii dunno what tuu do...
ii can't bear to leave uu alone...
not when uu are so tired...
but ii am so tired too...
ii just want to give up now...
ii just want to continue sleeping forever and never wake up....
want to sleep like a person in coma till uu come back to me...
when will that be?
ii am so tired...
seeing uu so tired...
make me blame myself...
is it my fault...
i guess it is....
ii know uu are tired...
uu sound weak...meek...
ii am tired of fighting on...
not when uu aren't by my side...
it feels like months since we have talk...
my nightmares are getting worse....
and they are becoming more realistic....
ii dun wan to go to sleep...
ii dun wan to fall asleep alone...
...
ii want to wake up and have someone hold mie...
to tell mie it was all a bad dream...
hold mie tight and tell mie they will always love mie....
...
but someday ii have to conquer my own fears...
ii am going to ask my dad for some sleeping pills...
ii cant go to sleep....
maybe he will give me some...
and i can just go to sleep...
fight the monster...
ii dunno if i will ever win...
but ii m going to try...
until then...
ii hope uu live well,take care of yourself...
ii m really so tired...
this is self-pitying...
but ii really can't carry on like this...

ii just wish he share his problems with me...
we could solve it together...
it is through situations like this that our love will grow stronger...
but since he chose to do it alone,
who am i to stop him...
ii am tired of trying so hard...
trying too hard to hold on..
ii get so much moodswings.....
so many voices in my head...
ii just want to sleep....
but ii am afraid...
just too afraid...

please come back to me....

this ishh going tuu be a long post..
actually, ii am pwetty upset that he has tuu leave for a soul searching...
tudae was in sch 6 floor and was looking all th way down tuu th first floor...
ii was thinking...
what if th railings gave waes ritwes now...
ii would probably fall all th way tuu th ground...
thinking abt that...
suprisingly,
doesn't scare mie anymore..
ii just stood there till ii leaned all th way forward and almost fell....
almost died just there....
but it rly doesn't scare mie one bit...
instead ii just sat at th back of th classroom and thought abt dying...
ii know ii should'nt have these thoughts flowing and flowing through my mind...
it would drive me nuts tuu think like this continuosly...
anywaes...
ii cant be bothered...
without hym ii am nth...
will uu come back tuu mie ng kaiwen(:
pls?....
this fridae....
or sat...
ii am going crazy without uu....
and ii m nt trying tuu touch a knife...
ii swear....
baby pls come back tuu mie...
pls pls pls...
everdae without uu a torture...
ii thought ii can busy maiixself with work...
but ii cant...
baby ii am going mad with uu...
so pls come back tuu mie...
ii sound so pathetic don't ii
ii sound lyke an idiot....
maiix self-esteem ishh at an all-tyme low..
someone pls save mie before ii kill maiixself...
ii rly can't do this anymore...
ii am doing thing tuu try tuu hurt maiixself again...
even if ii promise uu...
ii m trying maiix best tuu not hurt maiixself...
ii promised...
but ii can't promise ii will ever be happy without uu...
uu know, uu are th best thing that ever happen tuu mie...
ii don't feel lyk laughing and smiling ever again without uu...
because ii love uu...
ii let uu go....
but ii m never going tuu smile or laugh again...
never truly be happy...
ii smile and put on an act tuu reassure maiix fwens but ii dun want tuu do this anymore...
ii m rly tired of trying....
ii don't feel lyk holding on anymore....
ii rather fall from th 6 floor corridors all th wae tuu th first floor.....
ii dun wan tuu hold on tuu th railings when ii try th next tyme...
ii just want tuu hold uu tight......
but ii know ii can't
ii m sorry kaiwen...


thanks sister for being there tuu try tuu cher me up...
but its not working...
thanks for trying...



ii m going tuu try tuu hold on tuu see hym again...

SEVEN-teen more days till ii see hym on th 8 may...
ii am dying.....

i love my baby...
will never let hym go lurrhs...
ii promise...
sowie baby...
sowie abt ytd nite....
ii love you worrhs

sianx...

guess what ii am doing now?

writing my testimonials...

and ii have tuu act lyk a bhb idiot...

must write all good stuffs about miie...

super paiseh =.=

anywaes...

ii just wanted tuu thank maiix baby...

thank you for pei-ing miee...

although uu never get enough sleep uu never complain tuu miee...

uu really are a nice guy...

baby!~

ii love you..

todae nine daes luhhs...

hope last last long and baby...

ii kip thinking ii am living in a fairytale when uu are with miee....

thank uu for letting miie live in a fairytale...

to maiix sister!~

cheer up kaes darlingg...

just cause he hates uu that much doesn't mean ii love uu a lot worrhs><

he lyk dat derrh larrhs...

lyk tuu kpkb peeps...

but he also nt that shuaii...

and honestly...

ii hate hym tuu...

cause hhe think his taunting and disturing of people ishh very funny...

he only got hymself in his brain...

won't think how other people feel derrhs...

this kind of people uu go waste yur tym on for wad?

so dun sad sad larrhs...

and dun put on a happy face cause uu wan hide what uu feel inside...

ii have done that before and trust mie...

it feels really horrible...

sometymes...ii still hide maiix feelings up...

but its a habit luhhs...so ii am okae with dealing with the pain inside...

sister anything must tell mie kae...

can't kip tuu yurself cause being sisters mean we share share everything tgt....

even our bras...^^

AND!~

don't because of his' words dhen uu doubt brother-in-law love for uu...

he ishh a nice guy and he made a good decision in having uu with hym^^

love ya sister(:

sianx...

long tyme no go blogging...

start tuu get ait rusty in maiix typing skills lurrhs =.=

but its okie arrhs...

sometymes horrhs..

ii wonder what joo and .... relationship are....

makes me rly wonder worrhs ><

bwahahahaa!~

gonna continue doing my bhb testimonial...

Amanda is a very good student with an excellent discipline record...

indeed she does not cause any troubles and cleans up all messes made...

get your amanda now at all leading department stores while stocks last!~

batteries not included and only available in one skin tone...

BWAHAHAHAHA!~

yeapps....

this blog very old luhhs but ii kip revamping and make it change links luhhs...